just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up under a house in Key West
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
