spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
