Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
