Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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