The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize