I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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