My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
