just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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