Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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