She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
