I didn't shave. On purpose
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
