using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
