Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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