I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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