It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
