My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize