I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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