Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
