You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
