Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
