I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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