If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
