There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
