Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
