if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
