I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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