just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
there's paper in my vomit.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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