i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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