OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
