god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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