pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I can text with my tongue
my sisters under your porch take her home
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
