If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
