This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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