Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize