you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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