Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
