Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
