spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
