I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
