I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Alive.
So much puke
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
