They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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