maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
