Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You left your phone here
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