Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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