I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
