I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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