need another drink. this is the easiest way
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
