when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
