I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
