make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm always down for nudity.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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