sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Randomize