I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
