it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
