make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I need water and some morals
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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