the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
