u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
