I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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