yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
