just come out here and I will go home with you...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
love makes seman taste better
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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