Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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