how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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