would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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