Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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