how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize