Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
