Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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