He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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