Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
